7 years later....

 Nothing has changed... Except I don't get the pine straw money..  I have to share with my brother... Who in turn shares nothing with me.. Plus, the part of a group mom paid for him to buy into, which he assured was for us, has turned into his... Found out mom gave him a butt ton of money thru the years.. I see now how this is gonna work.. So, in one year, after kid is out of college (one year later than planned due to her growing blood clots into her heart, having a small stroke and open heart surgery), I'm out of here... Financially,  can't do it without being here.. So, I suck it up, soul dying a little each day,  and survive for one more year... 

I've help create a war chest of over a million and a half dollars to create a thriving farm.. But I'm the ungrateful child... Yeah, I get screwed and I'm ungrateful.. 

Anyway, nothing else worth note.. 

Well... Life was always interesting in the past....

...so there's no reason it shouldn't be interesting now!
Let's see..  Moved back, started looking for gainful employment.  Brother came to me and said he was firing his assistant and would I help him out.. Sure..  So, I started working for him.. It's been a challenge at times.. But we do work well together.. So, it's been good.
Love life has been interesting to say the least..  For the 8 months after I left, he (THE he) kept calling.. Texting.. Sending me love letters.. Was miserable.. It culminated with me telling him to stop. If he was there, and I was here, there was no us.  I'm not gonna lie..  It was the hardest thing I even has to actively do..
I made myself date.. Eventually started seeing this one guy who seemed really nice..  His parents are very old (85ish) and when he got divorced, they invited him to live in their pool house.. After a year or so, he moved into the main house to help them out (general stuff you do for old folks who can do most things for themselves) also because his brother's ex-wife was destitute and the parents were going to let her live in the pool house with their grandson.
After a couple of months, I started noticing things that didn't seem to add up.. He took me aside one night to tell me he was on parole for getting into a fight in a bar with a guy who was beating on some woman. Turned out it was the guy's girlfriend and she got ticked off with him for hitting her honey so told the cops it was all his fault.. Says he learned his lesson.. 'Let her get beat and call the law next time'.. Okay..  Not ideal but seemingly understandable.. Never dated anyone with a past like that..
Next, noticed he drank more than I thought.. It's the South. People drink. Some drink a little and some drink a lot.. Began to think he fell into that latter category.  On a Thursday before the Friday I had planned on cutting him loose, he wrecked his car.  Big time.  Hospital, rehab, etc.. And a DUI.
Because he lived so far away and was not mobile, I just thought about letting it slide away.. No confrontation, etc.. That worked.. . Then he moved out of his parents house.. That wasn't a help to his drinking..  Then he bought a new car.. Damn.
So, he wanted to come see me.. This just so happened to be on the night of a party my brother was having.. So, he came to the party.. And promptly drank so much he passed out at 8pm.. Luckily, got him into a bedroom by myself (would have been mortified if anyone saw) and closed the door.. And went back to the party..
Then, I had to tell him it was done.. He didn't believe me.. Got whiney, pissy, and whiney again..
So, I pulled an age old, time worn, scenario out of my bag of tricks..  Let's get married.. He had already asked me.. I sidestepped it at the time.. Now, he was starting to sidestep..
Took me about 3 weeks to get out of that.. :):):)
Now, there's another guy.. Seems nice.. Will see.. Not giving it as much time without truly looking into his background.. Oh, the other one? Pulled his what turned out to be extensive petty criminal history.. Never did find that assault that he was supposed to be on probation for.. But did find drug stuff sooo...  "You're outta here!"
Family stuff has gotten interesting.. Discovered my mom had planted pine trees but had never seen to their upkeep.. Also, just let everything go to hell in general since dad died.. Apparently no one else in the family had cared either.. So, I busied myself with getting things in shape.. If you have stuff, you gotta take care of it.. Or you won't have it anymore. Spent $12.5K getting the farm back in decent shape.. The whole time my mom telling me she was going to pay me back when the lease money came in January.. Well, January has come and gone.. Finally today I mention it.. You would think I was trying to steal the gold from her teeth.. So, apparently I'm not getting that money back.. Too bad, but I'll get ALL the money on the pine straw..  For as long as it's sold.. About $17-30K a year (depending on factors like demand, shedding, etc.) for 10 years starting in two..  Hell, I'd have paid back the $12.5K now for that.. But she never could see down the road..
But, right now, I'm a little cash strapped.. Braces, tuition, etc..  Oh, and the ex-husband stopped paying child support.. May he rot in hell.. He's about $5K behind.. Thinking I should at least put him walking for a while.. I sent him a text to tell him that he was so far behind, he needed to at least start paying what he was supposed to pay every month.. That was four months ago.. He's had enough time.. I'm done.. Paperwork this weekend..
Oh, and I'm trying to start a decidedly non-female related company.. It's slow going right now.. But I see prospects.. Wish me luck!!

The End..

Things went swimmingly for a while.. We were in love, we hid it from the kids, took mine to visit with family for the summer, his were as clueless as they wanted to be.. They began to look to me for the motherly things as she was never the motherly type.. Even calling me first if they were sick at school (yeah, they both had to do summer school) or needed something.. I was the one keeping them busy otherwise with chores and activities..  Otherwise, they sat around and watched tv.. All day.. Everyday.. I helped her get a job. A full-time job.. She had screwed around an lost the only one she'd ever really had.. And while the one she got wasn't great, it was decent money for someone with no job history or education.. And had benefits.. Now the kids could go to the doctor..  She seemed okay with the job and the house being clean.. And the utilities being on ..
But then, she started..
When she decided that they would be poly, and gave him permission to date, she was certain that she would find someone first and be the one to lead the charge, be in charge, etc..
But she didn't..  The only one she could find to show any interest was a personable but unemployed moocher..  As long as she was the bank, he was around.. When this came to light (he never did the bills until two months after I moved in and the lights were turned off, then he and I took over that task), he put a stop to the 3-4 dinners a week and ATM withdrawals for no reason..  She was forking over about $150 a week to this dregs upkeep.  To her family's detriment...
The shit hit the fan..
She was horrible..  Drama queen on steroids.. Hateful and spiteful.. You name it and she did it.. Throwing fits in front of her kids..  Talking terribly about me to mutual friends.. Finally laid the whole thing out to her whole family about her being bi, about my being with him.. Um, really?  First their gonna think I'm with you (NOT) and then their gonna think it's a huge fuck-fest all the time, the kids being ignored, etc.. Also, NOT..
Then her mom threatens to report me and him to CPS (but not her kid? Really?)
By this time I knew enough to truly screw up mom's world (affairs with undesirables) and I told the wife that if she did, everyone in her mom's hometown would know the WHOLE story.. That shut up mom..
The wife settled down for about a month.. He was miserable unless it was just me and him and my kid.. We went to a reunion of a group that I and daughter was a part of.. He went as my significant other.. Daughter was over the moon to have this time, with just him and me.. He was probably happier than I had even seen him, even if we didn't sleep in the same bed.. At that point, for that weekend, we were perfect..  I had hope.. A small flicker, but hope.. Daughter loved him, he loved her.. I loved him, he loved me.. Reality came crashing back on our return..
He was tortured over his kids.. And I know he loved her, they had a history.. But I know he felt guilt over wanting to be with me more..  Then, he became her apologist..
This was my cue..
So, I quietly started making arrangements to leave..
After getting my ducks in a row, I knew I had to tell him.. But wanted to wait until after this huge Halloween party he was exited about..  A couple of days wouldn't make much difference anyway..
At the party, she showed out only as she could.. Making out with everything that would.. Luckily, I didn't see any of this.. Honestly, knowing what I knew, I stayed with him the whole night.. Right by his side.. He was happier than I'd seen him since the reunion.. He thought all was well.. We were in love and his world was right..  And I let him believe it.. It was truly a great night for us..
The next morning, she slapped my kid in the head.. For being smarter at a game.  For being smarter than her.. I didn't see it, I heard it and my child's response.. (Hey!) He saw it.. And flew hot..  I wasn't sure what had happened, but knew that it was bad.. He was in a rage. I went upstairs, sent all the kids to their rooms, checked on mine who told me what happened..  I told her that we were moving back to Florida..  She always wanted to.. She was happy.. I told her to keep it to herself for a bit.. She said that the wife was mad because she had known an answer that the wife didn't.. Talked a little bit about bullies and stupid people and their reactions to being shown to be stupid.. Yeah, at this point, worrying about my daughter's respect for this witch was the last thing on my mind..
Then I went back downstairs in time to pass the wife on the stairs and tell her that if she ever touched my child again, she would regret it in ways she couldn't even imagine.. I must have had the fires of hell in my eyes because she backed down a couple of steps and didn't say anything..  I went and got my daughter and went shopping..
That night, I slept with my baby girl, whispering conspiratorially about moving to Florida..
On the Sunday after the Friday night party, the word made it back to him and me about her behavior.. Again, shit met fan..
She denied it completely..He flew hot again..  I wouldn't even talk about it.. She would chase me down and tell me it wasn't true.. She'd lied so much, who knew what was or wasn't.. I told her didn't care.. I didn't want to deal with it.. I didn't have any reason to believe anyone.. He looked like a beaten man.. He didn't defend her.. But it was as though he was paying penance for having me.. I almost told him then..  I had him alone for a few minutes, I tried to tell him.. But he wouldn't let me talk, just held me and kissed me..  I think he knew what I was going to say and he didn't want to hear it.. His life was unraveling..
She then found out that I had turned in my resignation..
I'm not sure how, but she did..  And she didn't tell me she knew.. She told him that she was no longer going to be poly and he had to tell me to leave..  She flew by me leaving the house, pausing long enough to tell me that was coming..  Found out about her knowing of my resignation the next day..
I went downstairs and found him crying in the floor..  And I petted his head like you would that of a child crying because they were in trouble.. He cried for about an hour..  I told him I was leaving but couldn't at that moment.. He said I could stay as long as I wanted,,,  I told him I didn't want to stay at all.. That this was ridiculous and the drama was more than anyone could stand..
He cried for about two hours that night..  Told me his world was ending.. I told him he had made choices that led to this and there was nothing I could do but protect my daughter and myself..
Ten days later, with a loaded van and a car hauler, I left for Florida for good..

Summer 2012 - Part 2; Fall/Winter 2012; Spring 2013

I made the decision to go home with him..  It was an amazing night.. And from that point forward, we spent as much time together as possible.. Every weekend I was at his house.. During the week, he would often come to mine.. We connected in thousands of ways..
The summer passed pretty quickly..  And then it was time to go get DD..  So, I told her that I had made new friends over the summer and introduced her to them.. We initially talked of going to visit every other weekend.. But we only missed going down one weekend..  Being with him was home for me.. And he would come up during the week..  That was tricky.. Luckily, I had a back door in my bedroom and he had a key.. We were inseparable..  I tore my rotator cuff and it was used as an excuse for him to be there more often.. I had surgery and he took care of me..  She even came up to help..  She seemed like she enjoyed being my friend.. And I was trying to really like her.. But there was something holding me back..
And DD was too involved with her life (and not wanting to get up in the mornings) to notice him being around so much..  Eventually, the pattern was leave Friday afternoons and come back Sunday nights.. After about three months of this, he asked me to move in..  The wife was like 'great idea, please be here'..  She was a bit of a drama queen but had gotten used to it and was pretty much ignoring it..  Wrong move..  More later..
I resisted..  We all got on very well, but keeping up a charade with the kids (theirs and mine) for a weekend was easy.. The whole moving in thing would be tricky.. But, he persisted..  I loved him and he loved me.. And together we were perfect..  But this wasn't just us..
So, after about 4 months, I decided to leave it up to the Fates and apply for one job..  And I got it.. Packed up and left..  Told my family it was a temporary move until we got settled in the new city.. (about an hour away)  Total lie but, they never came up to visit so it would fly..
We talked a lot about how it would work.. The decision was to behave as one family..  He made sure I knew that it was my home.. It went great..  For about a month....

June 2012 - Part 1

Took DD to mom... Visited some friends on the way back home.. A couple of years back they had started dabbling in a type of lifestyle that embraces things like Poly relationships, BDSM, etc.. I was familiar with swinging as a lifestyle but this one intrigued me.. They explained very clearly about rules, how they handle different situations, where they were as far as the BDSM.. I have to admit, part of it intrigued me.. But, was not so much so that I would actually go to one of the meetings of their local group... 
Having been shown something I knew nothing of, I began to think of it more and more.. And decided that I wanted to know more.. I knew I wasn't very much submissive.. And I knew that while somewhat dominant in that I'm a kind of bossy chick (LOL), I wasn't that dominant.. But, for some reason this all intrigued me.. 
So, the next step was to learn.. I joined a website that caters to this sort of thing and began to look around.. Lots of it was merely kinky stuff..  Okay, I can deal with that.. Then there were the different things people were into..  I wasn't one to be beaten but had enjoyed a nice little spanking from time to time as a precursor to sex.. I had plenty of adventures but had never experienced the openness I saw here..
Then, I noticed there was a group in the nearest larger city..  So, online only, I joined it.. I have to say, the response was pleasant. People were welcoming, not pressuring and offered much info.. So, I decided to go to a meeting and see what it was all about.. My initial, and continued, interest was in fire play.. 
I arrived at this meeting as nervous as a can be.. I met the leader, who came across as greasy.. I can't say why but that was my initial impression.. I was luckily rescued from him by a nice guy who was well read and intelligent with whom I discussed varied subject matter.. Some related to the group but most not. It was just a nice talk.. 
As I looked around the group I thought 'oh, hell no' as it was small and not overly intelligent group.. And hardly anyone I had talked with online was there.. Was beginning to think this was my first and last meeting... But, the nice guy told me to come back to the next meeting.. I would meet more *wink wink*. people.. 
So, two weeks later, I came back..  Between the meetings, I had several talks with different people about the group.. Apparently, some of the people at the meeting I attended were unhappy and wanting to break off into their own group.. Oh, great.. Drama and I don't even know anyone really.. 
But still I went back.. And this time, the group was completely different..  it was younger, nicer, more intelligent. less 'greasy'..  I had a good time hanging out with them.. Meet several seemingly nice people.. And they all were kind of new, like me.. At this meeting they planned a party.. It was to be held the next weekend.. And I was invited.. Apparently I needed to be sponsored but the nice guy I met the first night told me not to worry, he would be my sponsor.. 
So, I went..  Figuring that based on the dress I saw at the last meeting, slutting it up a little would not be a bad thing..  I love slutty clothes, but never wear them.. Or ever had a place to wear them.. I did now.. 
The party was relatively low-key...  There was food, no alcohol because (as I learned) that's a no no in this arena, music and quite a few people..  I talked to several of them at the beginning but one guy kept being the person I wanted to talk with.. He was there with his wife and said they were in an open relationship.. He and I talked much about that.. She came over and said that everything he was saying was true.. 
Well, damn... 
So, let me get this straight, this great guy with the wife who was somewhat over the top, or maybe too full of herself, was asking me out? He was..  He and I talked for about 4 hours.. He was handsome and sweet and boyish and intelligent and shy and looked like a biker (he was) and sensitive and kind.. This guy wanted to go out.. And I did too.. I heard all the warning bells going off.. But, damn, we had the best time..  By this time it was about 7pm (the party started at 2), he suggested we go get something to eat.. There was a table full of food, but I was having a great time with him and figured that I was driving so what could it hurt?
As we left, I realized I was not dressed to go much of anywhere.. I called him (yes, we had already traded numbers) to say this.. He suggested we go pick something up and sit at a local park and talk.. Okay, he picked up food and I met him there.. For the next 3 hours, we talked and laughed and ended up kissing while sitting in my car.. 
In my whole life, I've never met anyone with whom I connected to so instantly.. We talked of what their rules were (both have to agree before entering into any type of relationship) and how this had worked for them in the past (they had only decided on this path in the last couple of weeks and was using this party to see if there were like minded people)..  God help me, I wanted him.. I don't believe in love at first sight, but this was close.. 
So, we decided to go back to the party, in which there was electric wands and private 'scenes' and a spanking bench being used.. It was quite surreal, really..  And his wife was talking with a group of people when we walked in..  I'll be honest, I was a little nervous about her reaction to my agreement to go out with him.. But she seemed genuinely pleased.. She encouraged us.. Said she approved of his decision to ask to see me.. 
I was stunned..  But, damn, I had such a good time with him... Spent about three more hours talking and making out.. 
Then I did something I had never done before...

Such an Adventure...

Love found...
Then lost..
Moved home..
Starting over..
More later...  :-)

Summertime...

...and the living is easy..
Well, it will be..  DD is going to mom's on Saturday morning. Actually I'm leaving on Friday to drive her down.. My brother was supposed to bring mom to meet me in Atlanta.. However, because he was raised by her to be one of the more self-centered people I know, he bailed..  She insists on still coming to meet me..
But since I'd rather my 72 y/o, still getting over Lyme disease mother not have to make the trip, I was just going to drive to FL.. She had a fit.. 'You act like I'm old!"  :-|  Well..  Mom...  72..   And yes, I had sense enough not to say any of that.. So, I picked a place about 3 hours north of her to meet.. And since she'll be heading back about noon, I have the whole rest of the weekend to get back home..
So, going to have coffee with one friend on the way, spend the night with others and go shopping/have dinner with a third set..  These are people I never get to see.. And they are grown ups!!!  I've almost forgotten how nice it is to have a conversation with grown ups based on something other than kids!!!
Not that I don't love DD with all my heart.. But mama needs a vacation.. Even if she has to work the whole time!!

Best Laid Plans Don't Get You Laid..

Couldn't help it..  The title is just indicative of my mood of late..
Let's see..  Hot on the heels of the last post, my mom went into the hospital..  Lyme Disease..  Rocky Mountain Spotted Tick Fever...  Meningitis..  She spent 4 days there on major antibiotics.. She came home last Friday and has been resting since..  She swears she's feeling better.. But someone is gonna have to sit on her to make her rest..  Anyway, another few weeks of antibiotics and MD's think she'll be fine.. And yes, I made her put me on speaker phone with the doctor because my mother will lie (for better or worse, depending on her need) about what a doctor says..
Tried to cancel the trip down this Friday and she pitched a fit.. So, we're heading down just as soon as school is out on Friday..  But, thinking we'll spend a great deal of time at brother's house..  Make take the Wii and would love to take the bikes.. Would need a U-haul for this so, the dog and the bikes stay..
With an extended recuperation time, summer plans are completely fucked up..  Wait and see attitude.. Just have to wait and see.. All I can do..
Doing well with WW.. Haven't exercised like I'd like.. But, working it into the schedule will be easier once school is out.. No more morning kamikaze runs thru the school drop off...  Gives me a good extra 25 minutes in the morning!!!  And not having to chase one out of bed, do breakfast and mile long hair.. Well, I can find another 10 minutes.. That gives me 30 on the elliptical..  I'm thinking this out as I type.. Hmm...
Been seeing a guy.. A great guy..  Too young..  And he's too far away..  Not to mention the one issue that bit me in the ass a while back.. Well, more wait and see..
Needing this upcoming vacation..  Hoping not to work myself into a hole like the last one.. Maybe just one day.. Make arrangements, clean some.. Why she won't let a cleaning lady in her house is fucking beyond me.. Dishwasher was never used.. It's so damn old now (circa 1974, used 10 times, maybe) I'm sure it needs replacing.. She needs to get a good one and use it.. And she needs a cleaning lady.. Oh, and none of these issues have anything to do with money..  She is just fucking hardheaded..  She thinks they'll run downtown and tell everything they see or will steal her blind..  *sigh*  "...paranoia will destroy ya..."
As usual, I wait and see.....

That's life..

Well, let's see..  Weight Watchers again and doing well.. Exercising remains a challenge but that's life.. DD is almost done with elementary school.  Has finally taken an interest in school so her grades are decent without my 'riding herd' constantly.  Work is work.. Nothing back home has shaken out.. Now that I'm nearing this summer, I fear I'm just going to have to stay here.. I just don't think I can ditch everything and move back..  That's terribly scary..  It's like admitting you're living where you don't want to be, away from everything thing you love and know, you can't leave, you'll never leave and you're gonna die here...  I'd rather be trapped in a cage.. So, have made the decision that while I might not find anything back home, perhaps I can find something better somewhere else.. I have always suspected, and now more so than ever, there would come a time when the company I work for ends up on the 'sold off in pieces' or raided pile.. It's a sad thing to worry about because there are some great people here.. However, for me, someone who has no one here in this state even, I need to find a position that either pays enough to warrant living with that kind of thing hanging over my head or find a position with a stable company that is not located in a wee small burg far from anything..  Very recently, I've started looking for positions elsewhere.. Away from 'back home'..  I don't feel I have the support I would need there anyway.. And it is easier to rely on yourself than to rely on someone else..  A little spooky striking out on your own, alone.. But that's just the way it seems to be..
Have been seeing a very sweet man..  He's not from here so it's easier to leave here..
Henceforth, my job search will be from TX to FL and TN south...  Think that's a large enough territory?  ;-)

Spring...

Everywhere things are turning green!! Which means the goldenrod is blooming and I have a sore throat and 'situational asthma' (which I think is a minor crock but I guess they have to have a name for everything)...

However, on the fence still about exactly how to handle this summer.. Know I've got until Memorial Day to make some concrete decisions.. I'll wait..

So, have decided to refocus on health and exercise until then.. Much to my daughter's chagrin.. She likes eating out all the time.. And I admit, it's easier than fuck to stop and pick up something.. Or run into the Chinese buffet for supper.. But, damn... The cost of that is high.. Whatever you count (cash, points, calories, sodium, etc), you can tally up quite a few by eating out all the time.. So, I've started cooking more.. Which means I work all day, go home, exercise, cook, clean up and then, about 9pm, fall into the shower... On dance nights, 9:30 shower and then bed.. This is how I screw myself.. I get tired.. I get bored.. I get pissed..

And we start eating out again..

So, my new goals is to find things that can sit in the fridge for a little while, but can be pulled out and used.. Prepackaged stuff.. Like salads.. Boiled eggs.. I wanna eat better but a nod must be given to ease of preparation. Only about 2 days during the week do I have time to cook an entire meal for supper.. Even when using Schwann's, I'm spending a ton of time in the kitchen..

If you have any ideas, they will be greatly appreciated... :):)