This past week has been a tough one..
First and foremost, I'm missing my baby girl.. This house is HUGE and empty without her.. She's having a ball at mama's and isn't missing me at all.. Now.. Tuesday night she called me crying that she wanted to come home.. I could barely understand what she was saying.. Ultimately, she was overtired, excited because her birthday was the next day, mama had let her stay up too late (it was 10:30pm) and she had eaten junk all day.. I had to, without crying myself, explain that even if I left right that minute, it would take me until morning to get there.. That she needed to go to sleep and then we'd talk about it in the morning.. She took a gown of mine to 'be close to you' so I told her to go put it on and go to bed. Plus she had to apologize to grandmama for behaving badly.. So, she did.. Then had to remind my mother that she's just a kid, she can't be fed crap all day and let stay up to all hours of the night (oh, her normal bedtime is 8:30).. The woman who had no problem sending our little asses off to bed at bedtime regardless of pleadings said to me 'Well, she wanted to stay up!' The only thing I could say was 'So?! She still a kid!! You're the one in charge!' Sheesh!!
Second, I was dreading the whole divorce thing.. Not anything to do with not wanting to be divorced. Wishing I could wave a magic wand and have it just be done.. I guess it's like cleaning a toilet.. It has to be done.. It's disgusting and stinky and yuck.. You're going to do it.. But you're not going to like it at all..
Third, when I got his papers with the $$ and 'parenting time' issues.. Ended up on a minor crying jag over that..
Fourth, found out that next week I go business traveling.. Flying on a teeny tiny little jet.. Ugh!! I hate small airplanes.. Ain't really crazy about big ones.. Going with my boss and a short-timer from environmental services.. Plus three salesmen.. Oy! Oh, and they DON'T serve liquor anymore on the company plane.. This does not have the makings of a pleasant trip..
So, I fell apart a little.. And when I do, I eat crap.. So, for the last 5 days, fast food and sweets..
But better today.. No fast food and no junk..
But, it still feels like I'm floating.. Waiting.. Dreading.. The Unknown..
Here's hoping he's found some idiot who doesn't really want him to be saddled with a kid..
Here's hoping he wants as much contact as he's had in the past 10 months..
Here's hoping he just wants cash..
Here's hoping he just fades away..
3 comments:
Oh my, you have a lot on your plate! Sending you good vibes and virtual hugs. Chin up!
If we were closer, I would suggest a drink and a day relaxing. I hate rough weeks. No matter what you tell yourself, it doesn't change what they can do to your heart and soul for a while.
Hugs to you!
~Emmy
Bella - Thanks so much! :):):)
Emmy - I would soo take you up on a drink (or several)!! Thank you for your support in all this.. And if I can return the favor, just call.. Take care and, again, tons of thanks!! :):)
Post a Comment