Update....

Today, I'm feeling just a little off.. Nothing amazing or surprising has happened.. There's nothing special or sad about today.. Nothing has changed for the better or the worse.. I guess I'm just having a blah day..

Should have the final papers completed this week.. When they'll get signed is anyone's guess.. As usual, when you're dealing with CD, you're waiting and being blamed for the wait.. His lawyer is an idiot, that is a fact.. The paperwork they sent over was, well, silly.. My first name was spelled correctly on the front, incorrectly on the second, third and last pages.. There was mention that CD didn't want to be held liable for a certain credit card. One that I haven't used in at least a couple of years and has a $0 balance.. But no mention that he wouldn't be held liable for any other debt and no mention of me not being held liable for his debt.. Seriously, that sort of thing is de rigueur.. It's in almost all divorces where one isn't trying to get the other to pay something.. Oh, and they forgot to add a line where my attorney should sign. Love lawyer eye-rolls!! :) Anyway, my lawyer called CD's lawyer and noted these little errors.. So, hopefully be the end of the week, I'll have something to sign.. And maybe, just maybe, next week I'll be officially divorced..

Someone asked me if I were going to throw a party to celebrate the the divorce being final. I have two thoughts on this.. The first - Yes, it would be fun to have a blowout to celebrate not having to be married to him anymore.. He's not a happy or a nice person (yes, I'm being kind here).. He's not someone I want to have to 'put up with' on a daily basis anymore.. And there will be certain freedoms accorded me, being no longer married.. The second - Any divorce is sad and the 'what could have been' should be mourned. I would rather not be divorced. I would rather not be raising a child all alone. Neither of those negate the fact that his royal assholedness towards DD and me will not be tolerated. But, all in all, divorce is a sad end to what was begun (at least in my eyes) as something that should have lasted forever..

The search for gainful employment back home has slowed to a crawl.. At this rate I'll have to go back to teaching.. Minor joke.. I could, I just don't really want to do it.. On one hand, I loved doing it.. Seeing the kids catch onto whatever concept you were trying to teach them is wonderful. And I never really had problems with any of the kids.. Or the parents that I could get to communicate with me.. Actually, when I did my student teaching, I raked in the booty at the end of the year. Everything from a very sweet little homemade card from a very poor little girl (I still have that) to a huge filled basket from a local chocolate shop (also still got a little of that hanging around my rear!!).. But, the politics of it wore me down.. That and the parents you could never reach, i.e. the ones that didn't give a shit about their kid.. Those two things made teaching very unsatisfying for me.. So, I wouldn't look forward to it... But, who knows?

Realizing that I'm going to have to end it with The Agnostic. He's still waffling around.. I've known this forever.. But, I'm thinking that having him to talk with and confide in is giving me a false sense of relationship.. As though we are more than what we are.. If you heard us talk, you would think we were married.. But, we're not and will never be.. So, it's time to start fresh.. Time to live the life I want to live.. And it doesn't include him..

As for DD, I guess I'm going to have to tell her that it's official, her dad (whom she hasn't seen/heard from in more than a year) and I are divorced. Well, I'll tell her when it happens.. No reason to do it til I have to..

Also, DD got her mid-term grades.. All A's and B's except for one C+ (one percentage point below a B).. School grades are definitely better this year.. I don't know if it's promises, threats, punishments, rewards or her simply being more mature, but she seems to truly understand that school is important and the work has to be done.. Yippee!! I'm going to enjoy it for a while!!
Especially since she's decided that she's old enough to choose her school outfits without my input.. And I'm too much of a control freak (and know how evil children can be to those who choose to be different) to let her wear simply her favorites without matching concerns.. I know, I know.. I should be more open-minded.. But children today are so much more hateful than they used to be. I could never even imagine hearing some of the things I hear from kids these days back when I was in grade school.. Please, if nothing else, corporal punishment held the kid-to-kid-at-school hatefulness down to a minimum.. And I'm telling you, some of the things I've heard some of these kids say warrants a good, old-fashioned trip to the wood shed!!!
Poor DD's life is hard enough without being the butt of ridicule from evil little girls because she's dressed oddly.. And these little girls can be ultra-evil.. The thought of having to deal with them on a regular basis makes me shudder.. So, do I verbally wrestle with DD over wearing matching clothes or do I let these spawns of Satan rake her over the coals in front of her whole class?
We're going to wrestle.. At least for now..