As If We Aren't Busy Enough....

The entire 4th grade will be MAKING the Christmas presents they will be exchanging this year.. No one asked me if we'd be participating.. Never heard a whisper of it until one day this huge packet of information came home..

Dear Parents:
1) Your child (translate to "you're") is making a Christmas present for "name inserted here" kid in her class.. Here are some ideas.. Be creative! Your kid is supposed to make it themselves, don't buy it for them!! Does anyone remember my minor tirade on the jack-o-lantern contest? Yeah, like those were all built by prodigies in the 4th grade!! Like I don't need to whip out a loom or a pottery wheel or the sewing machine for this!! Wonder where you buy handmade stuff??
2) This Friday send stuff to make cookie ornaments.. Oh, and no icings, gels, red hots, etc.. You can send sprinkles.. Oh, and cookie cutters.. Just make sure they're the really nice and deep ones.. We wouldn't want you to lose the cheapo plastic ones from Wal-mart.. Oh, and volunteers are welcome!! We start at 8:30am on Friday!!
3) Did you forget about the project on local Native Americans? It's due on the 10th of next month.. Please have the report and replicated relic-that-fits-in-a-shoebox-for-your-particular-obscure-as-fuck-local-Native-American-tribe turned in by then.. We gotta make a fucking longhouse.. Where am I gonna find bark to cover it with?
4) Our Christmas Program is coming up!! This Week!! Thursday!! Kids have to be here in jeans (dark), tennis shoes (dark) and with their shirts untucked (a beating offense any other time).. Have them here no earlier than 30 minutes before showtime.. Oh, did I mention that if you wanted a seat to watch the 2.5 hour performance plus the 30 minutes PTA meeting they hold prior to the program, you had to have a seat staked out at least an hour earlier?
5) The first school day after Christmas vacation please send with your child the following: white pillowcase, embroidery hoop (6-8" please!), packet of embroidery needles with large eyes, various colors of floss for the picture your child will want to sew (and I know this how? Guess I need to find an easy picture for a 4th grader who has never embroidered in her life!!), a good floss threader, embroidery scissors and a box small enough to fit in the locker they share with three other kids to hold all of this stuff!!
6) The next project will be to interview an elderly family member for your family's history.. This may be taped or videoed. It will need to be 20 minutes in duration. The family member should be at least 65 years old. A list of question is provided. This is due by Spring Break. All tapes will be watched in class and will be returned to you be the end of the school year.. FYI - My mother is going to completely freak out.. First because she has to admit she's over 65.. Once we talk her off the roof about that one, she's gonna have to make up a helluva story as she's not going to tell anyone about her upbringing!! ((They were terribly poor as her father split on the family when she was 4, he started a new family a few miles away and, although he was somewhat well-heeled, he left her, her sis, two bros and mom to live or die by their own lights in the early 40's, may the bastard rot in hell)). I swear, I'm sending it on DVD...

At the bottom of this three page (front and back) missive, there is a place for me to sign and return to the teacher stating that I understand I have no rights, that I understand my responsibilities and will fulfill them to the best of my abilities.. Okay, actually says "Please sign and return this section to show that you understand the Christmas gift exchange, cookie making, embroidery pillowcase, and Native American/interview projects for the fourth grade."

'Tis the Season to be Overwhelmed!!! :):)