Reflections of a Bad Blogger...

Even as I know how cathartic it is to unburden yourself into the cosmos, I am staring at this screen with absolutely no idea what I should say... Which is exactly why I don't post much anymore at all..

Should I ramble on about DD? She's still all A's and B's.. I'm happy about that.. But nervous too.. I agonize over placing too much emphasis on grades.. But, they are the means by which you are measured in school.. Not making decent ones puts you behind the eight-ball.. You get tracked, labeled, ignored and overlooked.. She has one strike against her by being completely dumped by her father.. She doesn't need the stigma of being a marginal student.. I don't expect straight A's. I do expect her to keep up with and do the work. Funny thing, when she does, she makes stellar grades.. Oh, well...

Do I talk about the Agnostic? He's still there. Pretty much in the same position as always.. He's a part of my reality, even if he's not really a part of my life.. Since we talk all the time, we share what our kids are doing daily.. He with his daughter and her life, me with mine.. I'm beginning to think we are sharing too much.. Our discussions about our kids sounds like the parent at home telling the one who is travelling just what is happening back home.. We don't even pretend to ask for advice.. We hear the story and then give our version of what might be a way to deal with the current situation.. And offer solace when our kid is making us crazy.. We talk about work, what's going on in our lives.. And we talk about each other.. Missing having the time to sit and talk in person.. The comfort of just sitting and doing nothing together.. I need to have my head examined..

Would I feel better if I talked about the employment situation back home? It sucks.. +10% unemployment makes finding a decent gig for an out-of-stater very difficult. Yeah, 6th generation native and I'm considered an out-of-state hire.. That sucks.. But, I guess that's what I am.. So, I struggle on..

What about the divorce? I could let loose on that one.. How stupid I think it is that no one really knows when it'll happen.. I waived a final hearing in hopes of speeding it along.. Yeah, that didn't really work for me.. As usual, I'm waiting on the original drag ass (CD) to sign the final paperwork.. Then the judge can sign off on it and it's done.. Now, when?? I'll get a letter in the mail... So, I wait..

Diet and exercise.. Oh, I could do hours on that.. The diet part isn't so bad.. Kept that pretty much in check even on really bad days.. Exercise is all but non-existent.. Plus, trying to reduce/eliminate smoking seems to only increase it.. How stupid is that? The thing is, I'm tired of smoking.. It's a bother and a hassle.. Yet, when I need a break, that's what I do.. Gotta find something else..

So, life has pretty much hit a huge rut.. Or so it feels..

I'm beginning to think I can't see the good in my life right now.. I can't seem to be thankful for the positives.. And I have to do that.. Or else I become one of those people I hate.. The ones that bitch and moan about everything in their lives.. Right now, people think I'm doing just fine.. That I'm strong and am handling everything wonderfully and positively..

Damn, I'm good at creating a facade.. :)