And the tide ebbs..

Resolutions still intact.. I did miss one day of exercise, but DD had a stomach virus and I slept no more than 30 minutes at a time for a little over 24 hours.. Started Tuesday night. Poor thing threw up everything she ate Tuesday and couldn't keep water down on Wednesday.. Needless to say, exercising might have helped, but when I did think of it, a two-word phrase followed that thought through my mind.. Fuck it.. :)
I am very glad of the success I'm having.. And thankful..
But I know that throwing myself into this is not solving my main problem..
And it's not getting back home..
Or DD or her schooling or anything to do with work..

I'm not comfortable in my own skin.. I feel as though there's something missing.. I can't put my finger on it.. I don't even know where to start trying to figure out what it is.. It's like there's an entire world going on all around you and you can see it and you can smell it.. It fills your ears and you can feel it at your fingertips..
But, you aren't really a part of it. You can't find the door and no one is inviting you in.. I know there are things I could do to be more of a 'joiner'.. Occasionally I try.. For the most part, I either end up saddled with the entire project or feeling like a lemming being led off a cliff.. And that's not really who I am..
I admit it. I have much difficulty in understanding people who cannot assess an external situation and develop a plan of action.. I may be a snob.. I may be too sure of my abilities in that regard.. But when it comes to my internal situations, I can't see the forest for the trees.. Hell, half the time I can't even find the trees..
Funny thing, most people think I'm 'nice and dependable'..
Well, shoot me now..
I may not know what I want to be when I grow up but 'nice and dependable' sounds like the kiss of death to me..

Oh, I'm just lonely and terribly tired and waiting on 4:30 so I can get the hell out of here.. It's been a long as can be week and I just want to do as little as possible this weekend.. I'm thinking that I'm taking DD to the video store to get movies.. That'll keep her busy for a little while.. And maybe I can catch a nap...